_colour my life_ my monologue

Thursday, January 31, 2008

the quiet city

a moment in time.
21:25

Monday, January 28, 2008

They gave me a brand new one! (:

a moment in time.
22:08

Sunday, January 27, 2008

"Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are." - Calvin

That's why I enjoy every moment with you :)

颖欣爱书训 :)

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

(It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye)

a moment in time.
21:24

"Did you know when you're around
My heart won't it can't slow down
It beats so hard it makes it hard
To catch my breath, to catch my breath"

a moment in time.
00:04

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Calvin and Hobbes!

"As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."

"I'm not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts."
"I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths."
"I prefer to savour the mystery."

"What state do you live in?"
"Denial."

"The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"

I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?

H : "What are you doing?"
C : "Being cool."
H : "You look more like you're bored."
C : "The world bores you when you're cool."

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: The world is a complicated place, Hobbes.
Hobbes: Whenever it seem that way, I take a nap in a tree and wait for dinner.

Calvin: Hobbes, do you think human nature is good or evil? I mean, do you think people are basically good, with a few bad tendencies, or basically bad, with a few good tendencies? Or, as a third possibility, do you think people are just crazy and who knows why they do anything?

Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.

a moment in time.
11:17

Friday, January 25, 2008

My favourite Simpsons credits! (Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times)

a moment in time.
22:21

i'm yours :)

a moment in time.
00:04

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

THE BOY WHO ATE THE MOON
By Jane Martin
James

I’m James. I’m dying. The moon is inside me. It went down my throat but it’s not there now. No, I’ve never done drugs of any kind. The date? It’s the 17th. I’m dying of distension. I’ll explode, I suppose. I have something in mye…you know, pressing, pressing out. It grows in there and it presses out... presses the feeling out. The feelings. Plural. Is my .. hand hot? The pressing makes me hot. I've been getting a little hotter each day for several years. It used to be I could control it with ice cream. I would eat ice cream but now it melts without cooling and I don't like the sweet taste. Winter was good. Lying down in the snow was good, but I got so hot that steam...steam came out of me like I was smoking. I can boil water with my right hand. I can't take a bath anymore.. .showers, sure...I mean I'm not dirty or anything... but a bath, after a few minutes, it could boil me like a lobster. I warm the air. Can you feel it? Melanie can't touch me anymore. Well, I mean for a second, sure.. .like you touched my hands... But for longer... you know.. .not anymore. People only want you to give off so much heat... I'll move further back if you want me to. Last night I could see my hands in the dark. It suddenly occurred to me that I was going to ignite. I think it must be very painful to burn...I mean that's different from heat. I would be very afraid to burn... Remember how they taught you that by rubbing two sticks... well that's.. .my inside rubs against my outside. It was raining last night so I figured it would put me out. I went out... went out in the rain and down by the laundromat.. .down by Spring Street there was a pool and the moon...I was pretty sure that if the rain on the outside, the outside'.of me didn't... well then I'd just drink the water... put me out that way... but I wasn't... you know... thinking clearly and I.. .and I swallowed the moon. Well just the beginning of one... part of a moon. It's going to grow inside me.. .you know.. .for however many days... making pressure...making me hotter...I'm uh...I'm uh going to leak flame. . .I'm pretty sure it will set me on fire... you know, in my condition…see the thing is that once you start getting hot it’s really hard to cool down.

HAHA. musicfest or not?

a moment in time.
21:46

Monday, January 21, 2008

"Don't be afraid
I'll be right by your side
Through the laughter and pain
Together we're bound to fly

When I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars"

Someone once said that there's no word to describe me, but Mark.

And I'm proud to be myself :)

a moment in time.
21:47

Sunday, January 20, 2008

"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!" - Calvin

I have euphoria (:

5 months of it, and more to come!

Thank you for the best times of my life!

"And let me say
From the bottom of my heart
I wanna thank you
For making the sun come shining through"

a moment in time.
22:47

Saturday, January 19, 2008

My iPod Nano is totally down!!! WTH. Time to take it to an Apple retailer before my warranty runs out. At least I have my other, fish-filled MP3 player. That'll have to do for a while. Brings back memories HAHA.

I'm always so close to my limit.

Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me.

a moment in time.
12:46

Are we ready to face this world together?

a moment in time.
10:16

What a utterly crazy day. Things seem to come and go so fast. Shocks like checks and balances. Sometimes the whole balance is upset but everyone just goes back to normal after that. Maybe it's an act, maybe it's being strong, maybe it's not worth it.

But to me, you're totally worth it.

Everyone has their ups and downs. This is one big step we took and I'm glad we got through it.

Remember:
Nobody said it was gonna be easy,
they just promise it'd be worth it (:

And this I promise you

I'll never walk away
I'll never give up on you
And if you want a love that will save the day
No matter what you're going through
I'll never walk away
I'll never walk out on you

a moment in time.
00:53

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I'm back on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=716576407

why does the one thing that brings you the greatest happiness also gives you the worst pain?

a moment in time.
18:32

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

happy birthday chunhan!

Omg, Facebook just emailed me when I tried to change my birthday -
Thanks for providing us with this information. Your account has been disabled because you are under 18 years old and have not registered with the high school that you attend. We'll try to reactivate your account with the correct high school, but we may not yet support your network.

WTH. You guys better restore everything in my Facebook! I didn't betray Friendster to get pwned like that. AHHH. Don't ever, EVER, piss the markhsx off.

Anyway, drama was really good today! Best meeting I've had in months. Haha the new TSD teacher has joined drama! Mr Brassington. He's cool. And we have like 60 new signups! Drama's membership just EXPLODED. Woohoo! And the directors are confirming their scripts by next week, so I have so much less to worry about. The spirit is optimistic! We are going to OWN this year!

a moment in time.
22:47

Monday, January 14, 2008

:(

junior class resetted their angel-mortal game so i haven't gotten anything!
i wanted proper fish soup and/or soup in the canteen!
i can't find the other planner i want! the blue one!
my ipod nano has a weird dotty scratch on it which i can't get off
miss angela wu tingli is facebook-cooler-hipper-and-more-happening than me

edit miss wu is NOT the only teacher too cool to teach me! i bow down to najib and young lung dax! they are the ones truly TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL. AHHH omg i am not worthy. i am not worthy. AHHH

i haven't started training for napfa
i'm scared because i'm going to be so so so busy!

:)

camwhored in class today! with my camera! crazy!
the whole schedule for drama formed in my head just before i fell asleep
my ki is idea was approved by all 3 teachers i asked!
i just pasted a screen protector on my ipod nano and n6280!
i just managed to remove the cover of an n6280 and clean the inside!
i have the greatest gift of all in my life :) love!

a moment in time.
21:57

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Maybe it's a little too late for me to read this - but it brings back memories from waaay back. And it's so true. http://i-speak.blogdrive.com/archive/160.html (By the way, Gayle was my senior from DHSGEP and DHS EDS!) I actually still remember learning about propaganda, thus my great, great inclination, as she says, to [sneer] at our Social Studies textbooks, "that's just propaganda". And so many other points that are just so heartbreakingly, painfully true. These are the kind of things we never talk about, no one asks about because they don't dare to, and are only exposed to the population when writers like Goh dare to speak their minds.

In primary school, GEP students were given a roomful of intellectual games like Rush Hour which we were given access to from time to time. Mainstream students played hopskotch in the basketball court.
In Mathematics, we learned the numerals of ancient civilizations such as Rome and Egypt. In English lessons, as early as in primary school, we learned ancient Greek and Roman myths. These things did not require a vast intellect to comprehend. It was simply that more effort was taken in compiling a comprehensive and engaging syllabus for us to draw upon, because it was assumed that we were smart enough to handle that, on top of everything else. It was just so much more fun.
Such a system has its advantages, of course. Many of my GEP classmates not only found an outlet for their intelligence, but also found solace in one another's company -- consistently scoring higher grades than your peers with what seems to be far less effort is a surefire way to ostracize yourself in school; that, and one must consider also that GEP students are frankly weird. Given that I am weird, I enjoyed the company. I have also had the privilege of associating with such brilliant people, I wouldn't exchange the experience for the world.
Years of not being exposed to people from Poly or even other JCs has entrenched a rift between them and us which becomes painfully obvious every time we are brought together in interaction.
Separation and stratification is immensely unhealthy so early on in life, as it sets the tone for one's entire adult life. The mutual disdain between JC and Poly kids is quite frightening. Poly kids will go "wah lao, these JC students think they know everything", and JC kids will always say "I'm such a failure, I'm gonna join Poly". There is perceptible animosity and resentment on both camps, and honestly, it's just silly.

Perhaps one of the worst consequences of being a GEP student for me is the labelling. So common to the point of now just getting used to it - for example "So clever, don't need to study one la". Personally, I'm glad I got out of the GEP system halfway through. I'd at least have experienced two worlds out of many, not being stuck in one and being labelled by it for my "entire adult life".

It still hurts a bit when people not just expect, but assume, that I will succeed in everything I do, or that I don't have to study for everything. It's the pressure that comes from it that hurts the most. Maybe they're joking, but usually they aren't. They assume that a GEP student's (and now, the IP student's) supposedly high intelligence accounts for any lack of effort they put in. It's so untrue - we're all students of one stifling education system - if you don't put in enough effort, you will never succeed. Sometimes, I like the way the GEP and IP have allowed us to benefit from different curricula, but now, in retrospect, I hate the way they segregated us from "mainstreamers", the way these systems have made an unmistakable, non-removable mark on us as "special" and worst of all, "different".

I guess that's one of the small, hidden reasons I even joined Drama, or run for exco for 2 years and President last year - to prove my worth in a field where the supposedly unsociable GEP student (always dedicated to studies and mugging) would never have been able to survive in.

a moment in time.
23:06

Friday, January 11, 2008

First H3 geography lesson today! We took Najib and Josef's cars to NUS and had to find theses in the geography resource room to present next Tuesday along with our own. I found three - Cafes in Singapore as centres of consumerism, shopping malls in Singapore as centres of youth congregation and airports as centres of growth. Then we went around the NUS Central Library. I personally prefer Lee Kong Chian - more memories and experience there, and not as claustrophobic. I'd go to NUS for books if I really couldn't find them elsewhere.

I feel a bit apprenhensive about taking so much on - H3, KI, SYF, Drama Nite, and now, Chingay and One Life. I wanna drop Chemistry totally but Yik is damn funny! I think I'd continue going to Chem lectures for fun! Anyway, life's made better by the angel mortal game! But so sad ): My angel hasn't written to me! ): I hope I have a really nice angel :) Although I already have one in my life :)

a moment in time.
23:34

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Yay angel mortal game started today! :) Haha I love playing it! I hope I get a really nice angel, someone who is as nice or nicer (unlikely) than me! haha :) Anyway, today was the first drama club meeting. Quite good, got a huge turnup! Played games and introduced ourselves. The usual. The year seems a bit better already. With drama and the upcoming geography trip to KUALA LUMPUR: 7-10 March! And this time, I WILL go up the Petronas Towers.

whispers: you make me feel beautiful.

a moment in time.
23:44

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

tomorrow, you will see the new me.

a moment in time.
22:27

The first day of school - not as draining as I expected, but tiring nonetheless. Today's like a perfect sample of what my year's going to be like for at least a few months. Lectures, tutorials, quick breaks, PE, and the all important exco meeting! We got Melvin Tan for PE! We played basketball today but he promised us f-f-f-floorball next week! Woohoo! :) Then a menagerie of tutorials and lectures, but quite light, not very serious stuff. And no H3 today, so I spent an hour after my exco meeting at PP, me-time. Haha.

Anyway, I was reading this!
An introduction to New York City from Lonely Planet!
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/shop_pickandmix/free_chapters/introducing-new-york.pdf

I always thought NYC as the city, an epitome of the urban life, the urban construct, the urban structure and the urban culture. And I still do. Just that I no longer want to live there. Lonely Planet has given me the best, most insightful and honest introduction to the city ever. It's not just stressful to live there, it's way expensive. And if you thought Singapore and/or Hong Kong and even cities like Paris, Tokyo and London are crazy, NYC tops them all. That is why it is the city. It is the busiest, the most expensive, the most stressful, but it offers everything a city offers. I guess, just as my original dreams were, I'd just like to travel there one day - soak in the sights and sounds and a bit of the craziness of the city, and return home to Singapore.

I'm a bit more thankful to be living in Singapore, because although we have an almost police-state-like nation, a majorly conservative society and a damn stressful, pressurising and elitist education system, we do have what other cities offer, and at a lower (financial and social cost) - in, as Lonely Planet says, Singaporean-sized pieces.

I shall visit the BosWash megalopolis! It's the only one of the big four I have yet to visit. NYC baby!

a moment in time.
20:24

Monday, January 07, 2008

Should I buy the gorgeous white Prints planner for $24.90?

Or a regular, but quite nice one from Times/MPH/Popular for less than $10?

Or use ***GASP*** the totally un-Victorian-except-for-the-VJC-logo one from school which I got for free? oO

Help me decide! :)

a moment in time.
22:20

Sunday, January 06, 2008

marianne: all good things in life start with M! (:

so true! (: especially Mark! yay!

a moment in time.
22:44

Friday, January 04, 2008

My life flashes before my eyes.

I am Mark. I am a Victorian.

I am Mark. I believe no one ever lets go.

I am Mark. I never forget what made me who I am today.

I am Mark. I am a geographer.

a moment in time.
18:01

Not even one week past and I'm feeling drained and down. Or maybe it's just today. So much to handle this year, and truthfully, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it, or pull through. The work hasn't even started coming in, but life just seems a little darker as the days grow shorter and shorter. I wish the holidays hadn't ended, I wish I could be in a faraway land where there're no worries or burdens.

I wish time didn't fly so fast. I wish I could live like them.

Well, here's one of the only places I can truly say what I feel. It's mine, and mine alone.

I hate the fact that I have to do things I don't want to do, just for the sake of my future, and ours. I hate the fact that I can no longer go out again without worrying about tomorrows. I hate the fact that I can no longer live for the present, live for you, live for me, and live for us.

I want to be able to live for the moment, enjoying every sensation, every sight, every taste, every sound, every smell and every single gentle touch. I don't want to act anymore. By that, I don't mean I don't want to act onstage. I just don't want to put on a facade just so that others do not have to worry about me, and can go on with their lives. I think I act too well, and not in a good way.

I want to be able to do everything that I truly want to do, without worrying about the consequences, without worrying that if I do not do something else, my future will be ruined. And now I realise, sometimes, just inside of me, sometimes I wish that I had not taken this path - the whole SHPS GEP, DHS, VIP, VJC - where expectations are always high, there's no room for error, and everyone just wants to be at the top. It's so tiring trying to be good enough.

But I'm happy to have you to be with me, by my side, right now.

a moment in time.
16:24

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

first day of school!

Hope today has been good for everyone. But sigh! The change of teachers quite frightening :( Ms Wu is no longer teaching me for KI, and Mrs Choo isn't teaching me for Chemistry too! Then both lessons now not fun already! :( Especially KI when we all went for lessons with Ixer. He's funny but not fun :( But at least we got to leave early and after setting up drama's booth (we're the first CCA to set booth up!!!) I went out for lunch at MOS burger! :) The happiest part of my day.

This year, I resolve to:

Get Gold with Honours for my dear Drama Club. Go V.Actors!!!
And a successful Drama Nite, which will no longer be known as that.
Gold for NAPFA
Slack MUCH less, and get straight A1's for my A's.
Do math tutorials so Chuah doesn't keep saying "Maaaark, you never do your tutorials again!"
Balance my life perfectly - making time for my friends :)
Travel the WORLD!!!

It's going to be one crazy year. My timetable (edited for me) is as such:

I end at:
Monday - 1355 (With KI lecture - 1615)
Tuesday - 1355 (With H3 Geography - 1650)
Wednesday - 1430
Thursday - 1320 (YAY!!!)
Friday - 1245 (With H3 Geography - 1650)

And I've a lot of crazy long breaks this year! Which I presume are meant for... mugging. Gah.

Anyway, this year, I'm looking forward to:

Valentine's Day
Geography Trip to Kuala Lumpur in March!
Geography Trip to (London?) in June!
Drama SYF 2008 - GOLD WITH HONOURS BABY!
Getting drunk on my 18th birthday
Getting my local education done with! - Straight A1's BABY!
SDD 2008
Travelling the world after the A's!

So life won't be so meaningless :)

a moment in time.
22:38

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

happy 2008! :)

here's to an even better year! :)

a moment in time.
01:29