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Friday, April 30, 2004

"ice cream, the only cure"

didnt sleep in class today. getting more sleep nowadays. it's like we dont learn english during english anymore. more like ae. not evne proper ae. what's with chicken soup for the soul and ms aiza? like everyday it's chicken soup for the soul, so much so that some people say that she's "an undercover promoter for chicken soup for the soul". now we have to do some 5min oral presentation on inspirational leader who faced obstacles. i'm gonna do about michael jackson and his bad childhood thing.

played vball during pe. i sucked at the start, but made two reasonable shots at the end of the game. i guess that possession vball is indeed much more organised than our mindless games of vball. like eugene's body throwing against the vball (scary), shi bao's uncontrolled slaps on the ball (even scarier) and my "chicken wing" move (dies).

mrs lee wasnt here today. just slacked and slacked because i finished history homework. (omg. i just realised i forgot to hand it up... shall have to hand it up on monday) played sitting down vball, jumped around and squeaked out "hello sb!" like munyi does once in a while. basically just wasted 1 hour. sad... and why was js staring at ama's ass?

played bball and vball during recess. not bad lah. took a few drinks. scored a few shots. usual friday recess.

during goeg, we slacked while munyi's group tried to get thir laptop up. yay. i'm planning to do a puppet show with desertification aura in it. yay!

science was fun. we're doing the periodic table now. i have finally memorised the first 20 elements in 5 minutes, although darren and nicole kept interuppting me with "carbon!" "oxygen" "helium" and the like. hmmph. well. we learnt quite a lot today. i'm starting to gain interest in chemistry. might take physics and chem next year.

skipped eds today. every other sec 2 did, as usual. played vball instead. yay. so much funner than masking. haha. poor brian. took 12 home. ate ice cream after dinner. yay! i love ice cream! i shall go sleep now.


a moment in time.
22:35

Thursday, April 29, 2004

"semi-depression"

mornings starting to seem like eds cmap mornings. like a few people are sleeping, and the others either screaming their heads off like insane idiots or playing crazy games like weiqi and shooting paperball. i am rather convinced that gep is truly a madhouse. or asylum. look at what gepeople do... scream, shout, act like crazy idiots. and have violent tendacies. woah.

guess what... we finally got a replacement for mdm john. miss aiza or something. i dont usually get names the first time. i think she got a bad first impression of us. so she niaoded us back. hmmph. just did intros and stuff. something about vision and not self limiting yourself. :S i dont think our class really liked her. i'm ok lah. i tend not to take sides.

i forgot what we did during chinese. most prob slacking again. hm... it's still amazing we can get by with the curriculum. i wonde rhow mr yeo makes it so fun. he's way funner than most teachers (hint ice cream dude hint)

mr ng took over (as in conquered) geog periods today to teach us maths. then it was science. we're doing atomic structure now. i think it's one of darr's fave topics. then it was maths test. i guess you guys know what i'm gonna say, but i'll say it anyway. it was totally horrid. ok. so i could have gotten 4 marks more if not for the cancellation of workings. ARGH! why the hell did i cancel my workings at the end of the test? there must be something wrong with me today.

i think i minused 10 marks liao. and my mum's gonna blame it on lan. and she'll never let me go on days just before exams. like next monday. ARGH. anyway next monday i have to do geog and study chinese. i was feeling rather down after school. and everyone was asking me to stfu even when i didnt say anything at all.

does everyone hate me? or is it just me? it's like aaron, nicole, eugene, amanda, hui yi ... all the people i thought were my friends.. they all hate me now. or that's what i think. and it seems so..

went to 7-11 near yuhui's house. got ice cream, milky bar and mantous. ice cream and milky bars cheer me up. well. i was feeling rather happy. throughout the geog proj, chicken invaders, icy towers etc... all the way until home, until i read aaron's blog. yeah. he hates me alright.

i'm feeling down. and sharan. dont say i dont suck. because everyone else says otherwise. you might as well just join them. life will be easier for you then. i always hoped my friends wouold be happy. i dont really care about myself. if it gets really bad, i'll just finish what i tried last time, and with just one cut, everything will end happily ever after...


a moment in time.
21:43

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

there's maths ct tmr. i did badly for the last ct. horrid. i better do well this time. shall go read textbook after this. slept for 15 minutes after i got to school. dreamnt about taking an aeroplane to malacca for some weird reason...

mdm john didnt come today. we're getting worried about literature. we heavnt had proper lessons in about 2-3 weeks now. and we havent even gotten halfway through poetry, which we're supposed to end by this term or something. i wonder how mdm john is gonna keep up with the curriculum...

we completed genetic engineering during science. yay. i wonder what we'll be doing next. hope it's something fun. wonder if it's biology or physics next...

pe was fun. we got back our 2.4km scores. 17th= 11.20! OMG. i improved by like... 2 minutes exactly. and i still hate the 1km sign. ok. yiwei got 11.18, ziluo 11.19, nicholas 11.22. ziluo was still teasing me about the stupid 1km sign. ARGH. it's two times liao. and he was actually right. i really got 11+ mins. omg. i'm still shocked. hope next year i can get 11mins. and dont see the 1km sign. and ziluo, i promise i wont walk if i see it. serious.

siva let us play today. no training. i played bball. got to be captain with some tyco shot. it was my only shot in the whole day. damn off form today. hmmph. and i hate shi bao. hes so violent. plays bball like rugby. argh. stupid sb. he nearly twisted my back and arm at the same time. hmmph..

i got 70% for ting xie. :( *is unhappy* argh. may be a bad sign of things to come. nothing much for the rest of chinese. i just talked with terence, wen quan and nicholas about frozen throne and computers. :S better stop slacking for chinese. shall go into semi-hardworking spurt for this weekend. (there's chinese and history ct next week)

maths was ok. we finished counting or something. then discussed the pratice paper. so far i still suck at quad and simul equations. argh. went to lunch during irs period. our bizlabext is now on tuesdays. or so it seems. played bball then went to lan.

haha. poolday one on one sb. he's better now. uses a lot of positioning tricks like coming up at unexpected places where you're not expecting him to. but i still can headshoot him. HAHA. though i lost. by 3. argh. stupid silver gun thing. and stop camping sb. especially in the cubicles.

then played ice world with sb, nicholas n nigel. haha. headshot nicholas and sb in a row. got about 4 or 5 headshots. haha. but nicholas keeps sniping me. usually i get him with some para rush. haha. played ft afterwards. eugene, reuben and js rushed me at the start. and i sent my wisps to aaron. and then my comp restarted for no reason. :S was introduced to some god game thing in frozen throne. where god is level 100. scary.

went home on 31. yay. i cant believe i used 20 bucks already....


a moment in time.
20:15

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

got two songs from someone's msn nicks. (yes i am THAT bored...)

this was last time...

"Keep It On The Low"

Hey now ladies guess who's back
LDB, Romeo, and Bat
For the 99, it's phat stack
Yo Ra-Ra about to rip the track
You took my heart and ran with it
Why you so damn scandalous?
I found a chick who could handle this
Bye-bye love cause I'm through with this

Oh my God, what'd I do?
I'm caught up in your game with you
My best friend's girl, what a shame
Why did you play these silly games?
Try to put the blame on me
I always knew you were a freak
I seen you looking right away
Girl you've got a bomb body

[1] - I should've seen it coming when you stepped to me
You're like my sis never thought it would be
But there was something that you did when you looked at me
That made me wanna get a little bit freaky
Then I started thinking about my boy, he said
What would he do if he knew?
His homie was creeping with you

[2] - Keep it on the low
We never should've did it
Yo girl, my best friend
He can never know

Get up and get your stuff girl, you must go
Keep it on the low
We never should've did it yo girl, my best friend
He can never know, oh, oh, oh

Oh no can't talk to you
Take it to the source what I can not do
Gotta stop, cause every night
All of this stuff ain't worth the fight
My homie comes first that's how it goes
Can't keep dealing with you silly hoes
Buying your stuff and playing the role
Baby I don't need you, no, no

[Repeat 1]

[Repeat 2]

Isn't that your curiosity
Doesn't mean a thing to me
As I reach for the sky
There's no need for me to lie
Cause my love for him is strong
I must hold on

Immature come on dance with me
Romeo, Batman, LDB
Everybody come on dance with me
Yeah, come on, come on, dance with me
Can't forget Chris B-Z
Everybody in the house dance with me
Everybody in the house dance with me
Come on, come on, come on, come on

[Repeat 2 till end]



this is now...

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you



a moment in time.
22:21



"mixed emotions"

i slept from the time i reached school until i got woken up by yvonne with something like "the sleeping beauty" or "stop snoozing and wake up" and the likes. must have been really tired. i didnt even know i was asleep. and my hand was numb. :(

mdm john didnt come again. sad right? RIGHT? did maths practice paper, wrote a poem on the war in the air, and completed annotations to "does it matter?". yay.

wrote some crap essay on the importance of electricity for chinese. i'm trying to incoporate moderately advanced words and phrases from my english essays into chinese compos, but these dont usually work.. :( but i try out the methods, and these sometimes works. like rhetorical questions and the imagination thing.

we did some personal work during history. something about where you would go if you left singapore, why you would go there and what obstacles you would face... etc. of course this leads to the immigrants of singapore thing, but i guess it's quite a fun way to get us started, and quite quick too. compared to just reading out notes and copying them. (something very familiar to us already)

maths surprisingly... was fun today. instead of the usual yakking, mr ng gave us a "puzzle" sort of worksheet to us last week. and we went through it today. i love patterns!!! yay! (i just realised that "yay" is the fastest 3 letter word i can type on my keyboard) like... it's creative and stuff. unlike the boring speeches about cheng xing yong zhong and apples and oranges that mr ng loves. yay!

we presented out findings on genetically modified products during science. it's definitely more interesting than forces and electricity. i like learning about these kind of stuff, although i would prefer engineering for science instead of genes.

we did geog stuff during ae period. most people were slacking and watching happy trees friends and sexy snape! sexy snape is lame. but the video thing is quite funny. if you actually understand it. i was listening to maroon 5 and looking for desert pictures. there was this cool one with weird computer effects that flashed the desert in different directions. quite nice. but the zipfile was 3.59mb, and i had too little time to send it over to vina and yuhui for out ppt. sad...

did bizlabext (as we call it now... most prob our title for the ppt) after ae. finished quite a lot of stuff. about 3 weeks more and we should be done... then we can start on selling ice cream or handmade objects. yay.

went to vina's house to try and complete geog ppt. we almost did. pictures left. played ggxx afterwards. so far, i have played 4 games. 2 wins (sb, nick), 2 lose (js, nick). i guess that's good enough for me...


a moment in time.
22:12

Monday, April 26, 2004

"rushing like lightning"

today was one hell of a rush. i rushed from place to place with no rest...

mdm john didnt come today. her baby is to blame for the countless lessons we have missed since march or april. haha. cant wait to see it (her/him). we slacked two periods away. i finsihed annotating "does it matter?" in 5 minutes. yay. the rest was usd to jump around like an idiot, and draw in my scrapbook and periodically screaming out "TEDDY!" ok. so they thought i was mad. i'm starting to doubt my sanity too.

well. ting xie went ok... not my usual full marks. i was too engrossed with compy yesterday to learn ting xie properly. i think i still got 75%+ but i wont be getting 9/10 for ting xie overall this year. argh... i hope i get at least 8/10. or 8.5/10. we did an exercise, than talked again.

there was the science quiz competition during assembly. some questions were hard. but there were some the audience could answer easily but the contestants couldnt. oh well. 2L won in the end. and sam chye got top for preliminarys! OMG. it's like sam chye. who admits that he's a slacker and all he does is play comp games? it's like. SAM CHYE! *everyone shocked*. well. he must have some talent somewhere. if not it's was a really unbelievable tyco lor...

during acc, we learnt about some gay chinese guy who shot his best friend's king in the stomach, but the king had a shield, so he survived. and they reconciled and became friends again and the king employed the both of them because both guys were loyal etc etc. yay! i think acc test is next week or something. sad.

home econs was the start of rush. we rushed through the cooking and cutting and blending and screwing up. we were supposed to be done in 35 minutes, but because of the bad estimation, time management, and my horrid cutting skills, in the end we still used two periods. and i didnt blend the drink well, and it tasted too much of cranberry. i hate cranberries. ew. oh well. at least miss sandy said the fried rice and salad were nice (she wasnt gonna grade the drinks. yay!) except that eugene covered everything in walnuts, so much so that you couldnt see much of the other stuff. hmmph.

after this, it was already 2:10, so i ran back to class and to the new south wales competition. omg. it was like such a rush. everyone from gep was rushing because we ended at 2:10. aiyah. we shouldnt have taken so long to grade. the questions were rather simple. i'm hoping for full marks for this time round. but i dunno if i'll have the same luck as last time. :S

rushed to find eds people for kscope auditions, only to find out my gorup's performance wasnt compulsary for kscope but for eds night. HAIZ. i shouldnt have scared myself so much. went to zion branch with terence and wen quan in the end. yay! played cs n ft (duh). i love pool day. im improving i guess. 58-71. wen quan won. he kept using bloody grenades. hmmph. and backstabbing me while i was looking at other stuff. HMMPH. at least it was fun. we played frozen throne. 2 (me and froggytc) v 1 (wq) haha. wq of course lost. and i learnt how to play undead. yay! undead = super resources guys. like chinese in aoe2.

took 31 with wen quan home. we like rather crowded. olivia claims she saw me on the bus. ok. so she was sitting down and there were lots of people. and i was too engrossed with wen quan talkign about ft n cs. sorry... next time i'll say hi k???

got caught in heavy rain on the way home. streets slightly flooded. got wet. argh. stupid umbrella is spoilt. *shall buy new one* got home at 8. my mum cooked dinner. campbells soup with vege n fish n macaroni! yay! i used to love it when i was young. now that my dad's gone to jakarta, i get to eat mum's cooking again. yay!


a moment in time.
21:30

Sunday, April 25, 2004

"deserted"

skipped church today to go to eugene's house for science project. finished ppt. yay. except deco, which eugene is better at. tried cooking our fried rice for lunch. yay! it tasted ok. a bit bland wuthout soy sauce, but quite nice. but we used vegetable substitues like hot dogs and crabsticks. i think it will taste very bland tmr without soy sauce or salt. :( *hopes home econs will go well tmr*

played minesweeper flags with wen quan when i got home, after a few months of not playing msn games, in favour of other better games. i was at 25 and he at 24. just one more bloody mine for me and 2 for him. then i clicked this stupid square with 3 mines around it, and as 1 mine had been uncovered and 2 squares were left, he surely would have gotten it. argh. i'm a sad person. it was like. just ONE more! argh. *is pissed with myself*

anyway, there's kscope auds tmr (which most ppl are unprepared for) and ting xie 12 and new south wales science competition. i dunno how it'll be tmr. i think it's be scary, but relieving in the end...


a moment in time.
21:25

Saturday, April 24, 2004

"final transmission"

i didnt flame you. i was just giving you advice. and yes. this will also be my last entry on the matter. i hope that we can be friends again or at least have peace. i still think you're nice sometimes... i do hope sincerely that such things will not crop up again.


a moment in time.
22:50



"to the limit"

we ran the 2.4km run today. had breakfast at coffee inn (which now seems to be my usual staurday morning hangout). a thing to note. kaya seems to have an awkward reaction when running. i will not take kaya just before a run ever again. my stomach felt queasy. but we still had to run.

we met at the usual starting point. somewhere at one end of east coast park. the surrounding trees were covered in mist. and the mist settled quite thickly around us. so nice! it was like the trees and pavement faded into the clouds. pretty!

we all walked to teh starting lune. i went into second tier with aaron and davin etc. we were put in order of speed. :S weird. most prob not to block the faster people. like sb, js, nick etc. it was like a shock start. we saw people running then thought about it and started to run. aiyah. next time ttg should shout out start or something.

so we ran. i kept pace with reuben, hao jun, nicholas, davin, ziluo and some guy from 2j. we ran and ran. all this while ziluo was behind me. then i made the same mistake i made last year. but this time i saw, not heard. i saw the 1km marking. (instead of some returnign bastard telling me that there was 1km more)

i was very tired, so i started walking, forgetting sb's golden rule of never walking. sadness. ziluo overtook me and this gave him a 30m lead. then i saw the finishing line. ARGH. heck. me and nicholas sprinted to the end, trying to outrun each other. i won him by less than a second. got 17th. i think thats good enough for me.

on teh way back, ziluo was telling me about teh 1km mark and how i would have won him if i had not seen it. argh. next year i'll close my eyes and run. aiyah. at least i improved from last year's 20th.

went to vina's house to do geog. a whole group followed to play ggxx. i started on the ppt and the deco, design template and map. we ate chicken nuggeties!!! whee!!! and william is so cute!

ok. so at 12, the eds people went for dance. i can do the 1st ,2nd and 4th parts now. quite ok with it. i still havent learnt the gap in between. and i dont think i can catch up in time. i hope there's not too many moves to remember. the dance is quite nice... but rather complicated.

oh ya. k'scope aduition is one monday. i think eds is screwed. most of us got 3 days notice. and now no one has memorised script. omg. i mean like the WHOLE of eds. sad. a few of us had the mindset that performing arts ccas qould have privilleges. but of course, this was not so. im at a loss of what to do. i have 1 day to memorise 2 scripts. argh. *is such a goner*

went back to vina's house with sam low. william pee-ed and poo-ed on the floor in a five minute interval. bad bunny. hmmph. and he jumped on me again. its scary how high he can jump. i thought vina's bed was a safe haven, but her bunny can jump real high. read baby blues while seeing the others develop the ppt. *hopes to get it done by next wednesday*

took 31 home. with nick, yuhui, jun kiak and sam low. ate subway cookies. *is rather happy* subway cookies are some things that make me happy. i want baby blues comics. i only got #13. :( i hope i get rotk and band of bros for my birthday. or a new comp.


a moment in time.
22:45



'reactions"

to a certain someone:

three things. firstly, do not think that my poems (described by you as angsty and lovesick) are about you. i can assure you not one of them are. and i wouldnt waste my time writing about you anyway. you're not important to me or my life, or less than before.

secondly, if all you can do is to criticise others, then you might as well stfu. if you cant take criticism yourself, then stfu if you want to criticise other people. do unto yourself what you do unto others. when you were teased about a certain person, you started to cry. like a freaking crybaby. then when you tease amanda and she wants you to stop, you don't.

you think you're so pro. you think everyone says you're sexy. you think that you are so good at shooting 3 pointers. you think you're better than every other girl in the clas in academic matters. but let me tell you something, what you are is not determine by the external, but by the heart. if your heart is filled with darkness like sarcasm, criticism and the like, then whats the use of being so pro?

come on. you do realise that a single mistake which leads to criticism always makes you angry. you cant take what other people say about you. they just call you a bitch or idiot and you start ranting away. fine. you're better. i dont care. i never looked on the outside anyway. i see whats in the heart. think about this...

yes. i think you're a fking bitch. but why would you care if i sucked so much? if you actually cared, does that mean you're afraid of me? well. i'm back. now your time to fear me. but i'm not back with a vengence. i want a treaty. my opinions of you are just opinions. they can do no harm. why dont we just live life the way we used to live it?


a moment in time.
21:43

Friday, April 23, 2004

"haw haw" - the dancing buddha

from the surrealist

How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Mark Heng?

Beware of Expensive Gitass.

When You've Got Gitass, Flaunt It.

Because So Much Is Riding On Your Gitass.

Design #666
It's a scooter that recites haiku!

Design #1337
It's a wafer-thin plastic sheet that sorts your mail! It kills ants and receives data from any nearby candle.

mark
mark is an artificial limb that cleans itself! It has no sharp edges and has been featured in Star Trek.

markhsx
markhsx is an alcoholic drink that glows at night! It flies like a rocket and can bring down an elephant.


Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Markitis
Cause:self-abuse
Symptoms:excessive hyperactivity, walking like a zombie, frequent appetite changes, occasional pustules
Cure:drink lots of water
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:





we practially spent the whole of our lessons out of class. lugged singapore institution to school in my dad's car. there were clumps of mist everywhere. i like mist for some weird reason. it gives off a sense of mystery, peace, calm and nature. the kind of places i like. well. after marvelling pointlesly at mist, i finally reached school.

we researched war poems during english. haha. rupert brooke is described as starry-eyed and the most handsome man in london of his time. he must have been super famous. he wrote more love poems than war poems though. although his poetry is not bad. wilfred owen and siegfred sasoon were friends in the war. and they both wrote war poems too. anthem for doomed youth by owen is quite good. the one we went through yesterday. then eugene, yx, tc and some other person sabotaged me by changing the screensavers to "mark loves shauna and amanda" at the last minute when i didnt have time to change it back. and tian cheng blamed me for changing teh screensaver to sb sux when i didnt. when he didnt have any proper evidence. HMMPH.

surprisingly, mr siva didnt ask us to pratice 2.4km today. he wanted us to have some rest and not hurt our pathetic legs so we could run properly tomorrow. so we played vball. argh. what the hell is with possession volleyball? i mean like, most ppl wanted to play normal, but no, we had to keep the ball in for 3 hits then pass it over... aiyah. and we were forced to play with two hands. i'm never good at two hands, although it seems easier sometimes. not taht i'm good at vball anyway. but it's still fun...

then we rushed up to the comp lab again for history drama. the plays were all so nice. i dunno about ours. i screwed up at the thinking part. sorry guys. oh well. at least i got most of the other parts of the script right... i hope... i think quite a few were good. but wont say here as not to be biased.

well. we got short break instead of geog. will have geog instead of ae next week. stuffed myself with food... yay. i love coconut buns...

well. we went to comp lab for the third time today. and researched on genetically modified stuff. heh. roundup ready soybeans. so many problems and so little advantage, i cant believe ppl actually care to use it... anyway it's just crap.

after school, we all had lunch and played vball our way. it's so uch easier and funner lor.. hmmph to mr siva. didnt go for drama because a lot of people were not going to. went to vina's house to do geog. and guess what. i was tellign sam about how they would be playign ggxx and eating chips instead of doing geog. and (not) suprisingly, they were. their excuse: waiting for me and sam low. we were like not supposed to be going there today lor. hmmph. oh well. i found some research on desertification and a nice piccie for the background and passed it to vina. hope to get it done by tomorrow.

and there's 2.4km tomorrow. i thought things would be better today, but no, they just got worse. with the advent of the nerve-wrecking 2.4km run and nic's blog entry. dunno lah. my life seems so screwed now.


a moment in time.
23:06



"annotations"

nicole, your latest entry is not well-hidden. it's all about me right? the lovesick angsty guy you just want to kick. i bet you knew that i knew it was me and i would have my reply to it. well. i'm here. visakan said i shoudl not keep my feelings bottled up, it'll just make me worse. i won't flame you or anything, i don't usually (or never had) flamed people before, and anyway i know you're bloody pissed with me. i'm just here to explain things bit by bit. try to get things back to the way they were.

firstly, about me and 1337speak. i once said in an entry that speaking 1337speak does not neccessarily make you cool. i've ranted about it and all that. but of course, i admit to using it. i use it like everyday. in such a class in which most people use 1337speak in some amount or other, it's natural you start using it too. and do not deny that you have used 1337speak.

and i have never changed my company. because i never had one. i am/was a drifter. i try to mix with all kinds of people. i dont just stick with the lan guys, i'm not one of their clan. i don't stick with p6gep people or eds people. sb once told me that i shoudl do whatever i want, and never try to impress people. and i've been trying. you have to understand. i try, and i fail, many times, but i never give up. i try to be myself. this fails too. i'm trying to change back to the mark i once was.

and about "pwning" you at solitaire and ft. i know someday you'll beat me. those words i said about pwning you at these games. those are jokes. i never took these kind of stuff seriously. games are not a standard for me, and you know it. these were just jokes. i dunno why you take them so seriously. i know i suck. i play lame games like solitaire and write crap poems. but when i talk about these kind of stuff, i am just trying to reconcile with you. you mean i cant have casual remarks that are not meant to insult or hurt you? i think thats just wrong.

i, too, once thought you could be my friend. remember the times in macdonalds and all that laughter and jokes and fun times? it was the last innocence of our days. when we were all happy and knew nothing about pain. i know it's gone. i know it's too late. i wish it could be the same way, but it's just not the same anymore. i try to have a mutual friendship with you. it sure seems that it will never work. you hated me from the time i told sb in august 2001. it's been like 2 years. it has never changed since then. i try to keep it light, but it never works.

i admit i had pride last time. i had ego. it was overflowing. and God himself put a plug to it. he brought me back down to earth. he made everyone hate me. you yourself saw it. i thought i was popular, i thought i was hardworking and never failing. yes. i care to admit it. i never told anyone, but i care to admit it in this place where i can just pour out my feelings. but i've changed. i try to keep my cockiness on the low. it doesnt work. it just makes everything worse. i dont know why.

"the only sort of friend you want is a lapdog"- i would like to say that this is wrong. i dont want slaves as friends. i dont need friends to do everything for me. i have changed nic. i want friends who care. friends who will be there. and i can be quite sure i'll be there for them too. my single wish was for everyone i knew to be happy. and that includes you. it's impossible, i realise. but i still believe in it and work towards it. and dont think that you are important in my life. not anymore. i left you together with blissful memories of the past. i keep trying to get it back, but it's stuck there.

"You think that everyone's trying to steal all your credit, dont you? that they are claiming all the credit for stuff that your great genius came up with. that they are stealing your limelight" no i dont. yes, one of the last entries was all about this kind of stuff. but i was in a bad mood. i've been in a bad mood since a few weeks ago. things were looking up on wednesday, thursday. then now it's back to one. yes. i admit my laziness. i know my ideas suck. not like yours. you're so much pro-er. you could even could have gone to rgs. and i do have the shame to admit it. like i am now.

"Lastly, we are really not interested in the goings-on in your life. we are no-longer interested in who you like, and we are no-longer interested your apparent cuteness. you know the part when eveyone thought you were nice and cute? well its over. stop acting like its not. you know the part when everyone thought you should have soem confidence and that you should believe in yourself? well either we went wrong in trying to help you somewhere, or you got the whole self-esteem idea thing wrong."

first thing. i do not try to grab attention by asking everyone who i like. that's just plain stupid. you know it. i know it too. i dont care to even ask. i dont need attention. i'd rather be left alone than be hurt. thats because the only attention i get is bad. and all that crap about "angel baby mak mak". that was the time that people actually treated me as a friend. it's gone. i realise it, like you do. times change. so do we. and i. i know things are not the same.

i always know that you and shi bao tried to help me during my period of fake "low-esteem". you disliked me because of my self-pity. (something like someone now, but wont say names) i still appreciate your help, although the attempts were too successful, leading me to the other extreme. i'm sorry.

i would like to conclude this mindless ranting. i want to end the hatred you have for me. i'm sorry for everything that has happened since p6. it was so happy, beautiful last time, compared to now. you're so smart, so popular, so 1337 now. yaya. rant about it. i know you're much better than me. i'm sorry i've pissed you off. you saw my attempts at trying to get it back. but they obviously never worked at all. but i try. you have to know that i try. and you're not helping.

i dunno why everything's going wrong. maybe i did not realise in time that everything had changed. we're older now. we know more stuff. we realise that innocence is not forever. we know that with love comes pain. i realise all these, my actions, and yes, i do have shame and feel it right now. you know it pains me to admit all of it. but i do. i know i suck. everything about me sucks. you think i'll never be up to your standard. and i might as well quit trying. but i have never tried. i have my own goals.

the jokes i make to try to reconcile, they're all lame. yes. lame. i'm the lamest guy on this side of the earth. and everyone else is way better. you are so much 1337er, shi bao is so much smarter, amanda is so much nicer, darren is so much more influential, samlow is so much sexier. yes. i suck. i admit it. but why can't i try to be better? is it wrong? dont tell me you've never set higher goals. if not you wouldnt be in the position you are in.

you think my poems are all pieces of mindless rantings filled with lovesick angst. but they are my feelings. the words suck. the vocab is crap. everything about my poems are wrong. except that they are what i think. if you hate them and can only criticise my writing and me, then stop looking at my blog and poems. just go away nicole. give me some time to change. people can't just change with a snap of the finger. stop rushing me, let me go at my own pace. and i promise you, even as i try, that someday i'll be back to what i was, and that i will finally succeed.

my blog sucks. fine. your blog is so cool. it has a cool tattoo on it. your english so rocks. your writings are so much better than mine. your blog is not just recording down what happens in a day. fine. you're better than me. you've always been anyway. but tell you what. i have my own life to live. i do not reach for other people's goals. and i dont need people to give me credit or to do stuff for me, to give me attention and like me. i just wanna live life the way it was... so please, understand it and give me a chance.


a moment in time.
21:09

Thursday, April 22, 2004

"I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you" - Hoobastank- The Reason

today a load was lifted from our backs. my group's haw par villa thingy was finally presented. ok. i admit i hadnt seen the video. and i was shocked, disgusted, repulsed etc. it sucked so much lor. the sound quality sucks when played all full volume. i just tried it out on my comp and you can hear word for word. but in the comlab it sounds horrid. we should have read out the script instead. sadness. aiyah. i do hope we get some good marks..

slacked during chinese again. its been like 3 days since we ever did something proper. and mr yeo somehow incoporates chinese lessons into crap stuff like js watching porn and nicholas' unstable gender identity.

geography = gay. it was copying stuff. is that like all we do? besides the project duh. basic geog lesson= listen to mrs bok ranting away about some kind of plant, copy down what she says while acting awake when you're actually half-asleep. but it does get fun when we go off-track like we do during mdm john's lessons.

miss chong took over mrs lim during science. my experiment failed. the bacteria did not glow. sad. i wanted to see glowing stuff. :( boohoo. i do like glowing stuff. oh well. at least i got to see the glowing bacteria lawns other groups had managed to get...

maths was sad, just like geog. we finished off mensuration, then started on counting. omg. i love patterns. i've always had a knack for maths investigation. haha. i like patterns. i am usually able to see how they form and how the patterns relate quicker than other people. [ego] i think that's my good point in maths. yay! we're doing patterns and stuff! it's SOOOO much better than algebra. and there's maths ct2 next thursday. heck. it's algebra all over again...

went to burger king after school. rendang burger sucks. so spicy. hmmph. they never said it was spicy. i'll try the melt bruger thing next time. it looks so damn delicious. and shi bao says so too.. wen to darren's house. played condition zero and finished history drama project. cant wait to get drama and 2.4 over with lor. and i'm gonna buy cz... or at least cs1.6

now i know how nicole got 3294 for solitaire. she played single drawing (which is of course much easier) and timed game. i just tried timed game and got 3693. from now on i'll play timed. the scores are so much higher. and nicole. you will never pwn me at solitaire or frozen throne.


a moment in time.
21:17

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

"introverted funerals of the anthem of dead soldiers" (solitaire: 710, 730, 710)

this week= one hell of a hectic week. with 3 assignments, 2 projects, the 2.4 km run, 4 birthdays, it's been very busy. i dont even have time to install a proper computer game to play. eugene forfced me to work till 1am for the haw par villa proposal. and now he's complaining that he's doing everything when he has done nothing, except extract the video and attempt flash a few hours ago.

today was shi bao's birthday. i gave him a popular voucher. yay. hopes he likes it. well, he loves books, so i might as well give him that. yesterday was mrs bok and denise's birthday. yay! haha. happy birthday everyone. tomorrow is yong han's birthday. i dont have time to get him a prezzie, and most prob if i did it would come to him in june during class gat. so i'll just call to say hi and happy birthday. :D

we finished off the first war poem thing through analysis as usual. i dont really like analysis. it requires a lot of thinking. :( but can be very intersting sometimes. especially when we fall off track and get distracted by another topic. haha.

science was very nice. we did an experiment on genetic engineering. we were actually doing the real thing. during the next science lesson, we're going to check our results. and if the procedures were correct... the bacteria will be glowing!!! yay! so pretty! i like glowing stuff... :S because of the long-winded procedures, we cut into all of pe, so we didnt run today. but i think siva will take revenge on us on friday by making us run the full 2.4. argh. *hates napfa*

we talked about nicoll(e) highway during chinese and how nicoll(e) fell down. some weird explosion thing. and there was a fire too... sadness. i hope they get it up in time, because mr yeo said we would celebrate nicole's birthday at nicoll station once it's done. i cant wait to see the circle line. sounds real cool. but i hope it wont be as foolish as nel. like windscreen wipers underground... then we talked about the Monkey God guy thing... :| boring. i wrote some stuff during it, and mr yeo didnt care at all.

maths was ok. we spent the two periods making polyhedrals. mine was some rhombi-something. i liked my shape. i pity darren, his was the most complex. some people got pyramid lor. hmmph. anyway. time passes quickly when you're doing something interesting. and no one fell asleep today. haha. maybe it's ice cream dude's voice or something that makes us sleep... like a lullaby!

went to amanda's house after school. finished everything. and haw par villa is done too. it's like such a great load gone. *is happy* things seem to be getting better. ok. maybe not... there's still 2.4km. i hope i can get at least 8th in class this year or something...

well... i can start sleeping early again. and start writing more pieces.


a moment in time.
21:07

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

i was gonna release this poem two days ago, but i thought i'd wait until i was in the mood... so here goes...

::LEFTEN::

you saw me crying in the rain
you tried t take away the pain
i knew you were standing there
doing nothing but just staring

you did the things that made me cry
my love became just another lie
you played games with my emotions
i was questioning your devotion

once love was a sensation
one filled with exhilaration
once love was just a game
but it turned on me with pain

i saw your face and felt furious
in love i was no more curious
i'm sorry i left you there
i'm sorry i never let you care




yay! poemy! literature was ok... forgot what we talked about. was rather tired. i guess it was because yesterday i spent 6 hours on the comp doing 3 projects and trying to beat my high score at solitaire. my obssession (as my dad calls it) is starting to wear off... yay... i remember we did poetry. some war poetry thing. haha. blood and gore... and more blood!!! (solitaire: 695)

we didnt study during chinese. (as usual) just did zuo ye. i skimmed through, skipping various parts etc. now im at 12. with quite a few bits undone. i hope i can complete them tmr. and theres comprehension in chapter 9. argh. *hates compres* (solitaire: 690)

history was given to us as a period to plan our history drama. i can see now why amanda and darren at always at loggerheads. such a pity. i always thought they were a perfect match...maybe they still are. aw... but zhi wen will kill me if i dont shut up... stupid zhi wen. darren's your best fren. how could you take his love away? hmmph. it's a pity amanda is so obviously in hot, wet, passionate love with zhi wen...

maths was sad. i nearly fell asleep 3 times. argh. mr ng is certainly kinder now, besides the pushups and surprise questions, but he's still boring. i saw eugene, yuhui, rui jie and myself falling asleep... sadness. oh well. i guess its normal to feel sleepy while learning trigonometry...

because of maths, i felt bloody tired during science. aiyah. at least i got the notes down. stupid maths. well. dna is still interesting, but when you've been hit by the sleeping bug you cant stay awake.

i didnt go for lunch. was filming the haw par villa shit thing. and now eugene tells me that he cant capture the damn video. DAMN. i have had to suffer the worst humiliation in public in front of tourists and in school today in front of our very own form teacher and schoolmates from 2L. i know the boobs were dropping. sorry guys. my shirt was too loose... :S i really hope eugene manages to get our video.

ae was fun. we did conflict strategies. i went through something like this in p3 during conflict manager training. yay! i was chief! ok. anyway. i'm a teddy bear now. the nice, kind, sweet, cuddly teddy bear! AWWW... i wuvre teddy!!! i'm a smoother. teh one that gives in when conflicts cannot be resolved and usually looks for a peaceful way out, and treats relationships more important than goals. i guess that is me...

i didnt have chance for lunch after ae. went straight to bizlab. i think we're making good progress. ok. maybe not. i hope we can finish the first product (locker services) by may. then start on the second (handmade stuff) and finish by july. yay. i aim too far ahead. it'll be a wonder if we can even finish the first one by may. i was very, very hungry. it was affecting my thinking.

i was supposed to rush to darr's house right after bizlab. and i went to the 12 bus stop. then realised i should be taking the mrt to simei instead. haiz. so i walked all teh way to the third 158 busstop. then waited for 15 mins. heck. i got on the bus. after the trip, at kallang stop, i actually realised that samuel low and vanessa were right in front of me. ok. my mind's going wrong. *knocks head* oh well. sam was sleeping. i woke him up before he missed his stop.

reached darr's house. finished off history script. now doing props. and trying to rush history worksheet and home econs recipe thing before friday. so doomed lor. why got so many projects???

i'm writing a new essay/short story called "the timist". this time i won't rush it and see the results. i hope it's good. will post once i've finished with it. preview in scrapbook.


a moment in time.
21:17

Monday, April 19, 2004

it's bloody hard trying to record a SOLO (since they said that we could not copy their grp singing) doing 3 projs, playing solitaire and keeping up with 5 convo windows at once. argh. my life IS screwed.


a moment in time.
21:39



"life is what you make of it" (solitaire: 700)

fking pissed today lor. everyone's blaming me. today was absolutely crapo. even when things were looking up, they just went down again.

take for example the start of the day.

it was english and the start of the presentations for the haw par villa crap. of course, i enjoyed the presentations, especially the cartoon thing. rather sarcastic if i may say so. anyway, during recess, because amanda and nicole had overheard our idea of singing a duet of one in a million for our ad, they claimed that we had copied their idea. RIGHT.

we didnt know you guys were singing lor. and anyway, as quoted from Apr 15's entry: "here's one in a million lyrics. we plan to use a duet version by me and rui jie in our upcoming haw par villa ad." like we want to copy your presentation either way... we have originality mind you. and we're not singing in repitive stuff like aaron and his 4 girls. we're reproducing a song by our OWN accord. please guys, we wouldnt want to copy your idea anyway.

then during pccg, we did an essay/entry on life's philosophy. (sounds like raffles) after i wrote it, we discussed our history drama project. amanda said i did nothing. wahlao. it's not like i did not do anything except play rotk when i went to your house. i contributed some ideas. including the main bulk of the movie company and board of directors thing lor. i'm not THAT a slacker.

the only thing i enjoyed about today was subway cookies and sandwiches for dinner. sad lah. now even rui jie is saying that he and eugene are doing everything for haw par villa. and once again it was i who came up with the idea of the soundtrack, the ad, and the first part of the powerpoint.

look. i know i don't do much of the physical work like typing out stuff and cutting and pasting lie during last year's mad day, but i do contribute, or at least try to, to give ideas and usually these ideas are what becomes our projects. like in mad day, i thought of teh maze thing and ancient numerology. of course nicole and darren did the cutting and pasting and most of the typed stuff, but i believe it was i who came up with the ideas.

i knwo you guys must be thinking i'm thickskinned now. but i just feel that i never get credit for anything. i never said i do everything for projects. but i do contribute, mostly in giving ideas. people come to me only for help. "oh mark, i need 5 bucks, can you lend me?" "oh mark, do you know how to do history worksheet?" "oh mark, let me copy your lit essay" "oh mark teach me how to do algebra" etc etc. i dont want the credit. all i want is for people to be there when i need them. not just rely on me when they need me...


a moment in time.
20:59

Sunday, April 18, 2004

"you can't deny your own thoughts" (solitaire: 695, 705)

i think this song says so much about me now. sorta. it's from my carpenters gold cd, and recently sung by starry-eyed *cough cough* clay aiken:

"Solitaire"

There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love through his indifference
A heart that cared, that went unshared
Until it died in his silence

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

Another day, a lonely day
So much to say that goes unspoken
And through the night, his sleepless nights
His eyes are closed, his heart is broken

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
Solitaireee
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Ohhh

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Solitaire, solitaire


i just realised how nice the toilets in my church are. specially the towel dispensers and soap liquid soap stuff. haha. ok. not going to church for the toilets. the message was rather bland today. most of the youth were not really interested. we dont usually listen to the adult's messages and thats why i guess we think they're boring...

rushed lunch after church and went to eugene's house. i had called him and he said it was a battlefield. and indeed, it turned out to be. omg. it was like paper and red liquid strewn all over, with metal bits and shrapnel-like aluminium everywhere. battlefield indeed. poor eugene. at least they cleaned up before eugene's parents came back, if not we would not have known what his parents would say.

i slacked all the while while he and some others (ernest, nick, chin etc) finished off the other projects. me, eugene and chin had planned to get started on aerodynamics project today. we did teh contents, then played reign of choas. sad right? oh well. we went to lunch a coffeeshop. chin got totally ripped off lor. 5 bucks for rice, curry chicken and some weird squid thing. the guy said the squid was 3 bucks. what a fker. it wasn't even one PLATE or squid... just 2 spoons. and it cost 3 bucks. poor chin. the guy had cheated my mum before too. he's such a gitass.

we played bball. then went back. me and eugen started on a haw par villa essay thing. i wrote (omg a cockroach just passed me!!! its like wtf??? i'm serious. i think it's been my house for 3 days now. last saw it on thursday) some history of haw par villa and how it become so lousy and sucky. then played condition zero. cz so rocks. i'm gonna buy it. *adds to wishlist: counterstrike - condition zero)

well. ok. anyway. i still like playing solitaire. although it's getting boring. i know it's a game for losers like me who have no time to install a new game and stuff. i uninstall all my games last year. and now i played 1337 shit like solitaire and pinball and island wars. haiz. i shall try rogue spear again. (that's the 'roach again! get 'im!!!!)

yay. my maid whacked the cockroach with a roll of newspaper. there's something satisfying about seeing everyone in the house (besides me, because i'm playing solitaire) jump and fall over trying to catch the cockroach...


a moment in time.
21:58

Saturday, April 17, 2004

"when i'm happy i lie, when i sleep i cry" (solitaire score: 695, 700, 705)

i dunno why i felt a lack of energy during eds. maybe it's because i slept late. :S we played murderer for most of the 2 hours. haha. it was like so funny. and the murderers were good. they did the job silently and quickly. it was like people were dying so quickly that the detectives also got killed. haha. sadness. we practised our plays. bleh. my play is so gay. i get to run to the edge of the school building and scream out:"NOOOOO!"

i went for dance. finally so-called "perfected" the first part until the second chorus. yay. same part as shi bao. i'm gonna give up on dance soon. the 3rd part is like so hard to learn. maybe not, but it's rather tedious to learn etc. but fast. i'll just try. and if i fail, i'll give up.

went to macdonald's for lunch. waffle ice cream so nice!!! and tastes so good! but why are there tiny black spots all over the place??? :S most prob cocoa beans. they dont grind them properly... well... after lunch, we went back to school in new outfits for the choir concert.

it was short, but very nice. the songs were nice, the performance good, and the abstractness of a few scenes made it very nice. i dunno why there were tears in my eyes at the last scene. :S weird me. i wouldnt mind buying a recorded version if they had one...

we played vball after the concert. eds vs non-eds! yay. at around 6:45 or something, we left. i went to kallang mrt and sat there with a bottle of i-cafe, and waited for my parents to fetch me..

went to some restaurant at beach road, just opposite the concourse. ate lots of stuff. and it cost 80 bucks. haiz. sadness. when i try to save money, i end up spending more. this week i saved 10 bucks, instead of the usual 20 bucks. i'm starting to doubt my family's ability to survive any longer...

and what's with eugene lor? now that he's in the creative arts prog, he think he's better at writing than anyone else. he was like boasting to me that his poems are so much better than mine, even when he's too embarassed to publish them. if they're so good, he should at least put them in his portfolio. it's not like he's any better than reuben or me. dunno about me. but nicole, reuben etc are surely better than him. oh well. he'll find out when he sees the talent in the cap.


a moment in time.
23:14

Friday, April 16, 2004

quizzies from karmun's blog (solitaire score: 725, 715)

Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll
Your Name
Astrological Sign
Angel TypeAngel of Nature
Wing ColorRed
Heavenly WeaponTwo short swords
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!


To Be Edited
Blue! Your eyes are the Blue of insanity! You make
a lot of friends easily, and you're very
carefree and easy going. Watch yourself,
though, because responsibility is still a big
deal. That doesn't mean you have to stop your
flower obsession, however.


What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla



The sixth book written, you're nevertheless the first chronologically. You not only describe the creation of Narnia and tell where the White Witch, the lampost and the wardrobe came from, you get to bounce between worlds with the help of Uncle Andrew's weird magic rings.


Find out which Chronicles of Narnia book you are.


Happy Deathday!
Your name:markhsx
You will die on:Friday, March 23, 2035
You will die of:Serial Killer Victim
Username:
Created by Quill


a moment in time.
21:07



"emptier each day"

i'm attempting to start and finish a thesis or research on the concept of intelligence.

and im more unsatisfied about the dvd player my parents bought yesterday as the new comp im supposedly getting "soon"

i am undecided about today. it was too fast, and too many things happened in such a short period of time.

compre during english. it seems now that everything in english and literature is included in the ca. it seems our ca is schoolwork. :S anyway, it was easy. we only had to finish the first 10 questions, and i wrote 2 pages. darren was complaining that i had written so much when he had written the same amount for the first 5 questions. :S but he was much slower. and so were most of the others as we were all talking about stuff...

after that was pe. i slacked today, i dont even care about 2.4 km anymore. just take it easy and you'll win in the end. most people were slacking except those competitive people like sb n js n nick n reuben. then we did pull ups and sit ups and shuttle run. i think i did better today for situps, i did 3 more than 32 which was wednesday's score. and i did 1 pull up by myself, and then decided that sam could just push me up and i could slack for the others, so i did. my record is a measly 2-3 at the most. :(

argh. we received another graded assignment during history. :( there are just too many projects and assignments. i'm starting to feel the pressure and the stress is starting to build up. i hate projects. i'd rather have 2 worksheets instead of one project. sure... that's a rip off... but you cant pressure us pitiful kids like that right? we're nice people right? RIGHT?

eugene. sorry i got pissed at you during recess. i havent been in a good mood the whole of this year. (i still wonder where the "i am very happy"'s in my jounrals gone to.. why's my life so screwed up) sorry i took it out on you. and i didnt tell people you like olivia. they think you like pei qi. and i dun even know her, so dun blame me. good luck with your love life... just read olivia's blog by the way. it totally represents the teenage angst present in today's world... :S wonder why she's so pissed???

well... bokky got pissed at wen quan today. dunno lah. why is she so angry at him? i mean like he at least did his work lor... :S i got 9/15 for geog essay. she said that was good, but i aim for perfection... even though i know i can't attain it... :( oh well.. science was ok. we did some handson on some weird paper chromosonal and plasmidic dna thingy. yay.

eds rocked. we did masks and stuff. and yvonne, tristan, and cindy came to see us. ama so extra lor. not in our group, not even in eds. why did she come??? maybe they dragged her in or something... my brian said our first and second performance's concept or storyline were good. and also some of the acting. yay. it was like me, sam and sb. of course we were good lor, got sam and sb, the two best actors in eds...

well. a few other stuff not related to today's events.

firstly, i've finally started using my second handphone. i know it's not colour, camera or radio, but i should be satisfied in the fact that i have not one, but TWO handphones. :D yay. but of course, the nokia 3315 is screwed forever. argh. stupid estella gardens pool. and nick, dun pull down my swimming trunks unless you want me to elbow you in the nose and drop my handphone in the pool... again...

and amanda. i know i suck, you're better than me at volleyball, studies, handphones.. blah blah blah. you're so pro. you're so cool. everyone likes you. whatever ok? i know you're so good but you dont have to say other people suck when you're not that good either...

and nicole. i know you like being sarcastic towards me. both you and i know i do get sarcasm and act innocent towards it. that's because i'd rather people be direct and i get hurt than make things unclear and hurt even more. and the only single reason i dont want to tell people who i like is because the first few times, i told, and it hurt me. you know it yourself.

sb was the one who was there for me. not you. so please, i'm not trying to get attention. i'm just trying to be the way i was last time. which i assume was the "cheerful, nice, cute, pinchy, cuddly" me. i miss it when things were that way. when people didnt flame me like they do now. understand my situation now. it's been the worst time i've ever gone through.

eugene said the dvd player was a sign of good times to come. and that i should hope in it. but after 1 1/2 years of discrimination, emotional pain and suffering and worrying, i have lost all hope. i have lost much of the faith i had in God. at night when i pray i feel doubtful if He's there listening. i ask for signs but they just dont come. i keep all the sadness inside. i try to be happy as i wanna see other people happy. but this acting is just making everything worse. i dunno what to do... no one will help me now...

poems were the only way of expressing my feelings. and you guys never took them seriously. i wish i had never felt love. i wish i never loved at all. with great love comes great pain. love is a matter of extremes, either it's very good, or very bad. and it hurts real hard. i have no reason for leaving. yes. i'm that angsty lovesick guy nicole was talking about. i dun care what i admit. it's no difference...


a moment in time.
20:17

Thursday, April 15, 2004

"shocked"

omg. my parents just came home, and told me my dream came true. i saw a box the size of a tv. ok. i thot it was my new nokia 7200 with camera and radio and all that shit, but wtf. it was a freaking dvd player. with hi fi stereo and mp3 player and vcr.

omg. ph34r. my parents are so 1337. (actually they're only 1337 when they do this kind of stuff) damn. i wanted a handphone, not a freaking dvd player. wtf. it cost like $345 (nice big number) and the handphone cost like $398. just $53 more. ok. i should be satisfied. no... happy.

my mum reasoned with me that she wanted the vcr (which cost 200 bucks more) so she could watch my kindergarten videos and find old frens, and also the dvd player because she didnt want me to spoil my eyesight by watching vcds on the compy. yay! *thanks parents* time to get dvds.... :D

the label said "paid". ok. where the hell did they get the money from? i thot dad hadnt had gotten money in 1 year??? ok. so granddad was a millionaire but i thot mum's bro took all the cash away???

and they bought an iron too. ok. have they gone mad because they think we have too little money to survive and want to die happy??? :S or do we have more money than i think? :S i'm just shocked, astounded, wrecked, devastated... whatever. just explain our financial situation.


a moment in time.
22:24



thanks to tristan's blog...

>MY....
>:x: name = Mark Heng
>:x: piercings = they tried today, but i wouldnt let them. :D
>:x: tattoos = no. just stickers and "i love ghey cows"
>:x: height = 165-166cm
>:x: shoe size = 7-8 (tiny!)
>:x: hair color = black with a tint of brown
>:x: siblings = none. lonely me.

>LAST...
>:x: movie you rented = no. why rent movies when you can buy them???
>:x: movie you bought = forgot... most prob some war movie like pearl harbor.
>:x: song you listened to = currenly listening to "tearin' up my heart" by n'sync
>:x: song that was stuck in your head = "one in a million" by bosson
>:x: cd you bought = songs about jane (maroon 5) for olivia's birthday, if not turnaround by westlife.
>:x: cd you listened to = either the eagles' greatest hits or westlife greatest hits.
>:x: person you've called = eugene. :S about proj.
>:x: person that's called you = eugene. :S about my short circuited house. hp still gone.
>:x: tv show you've watched = gotcha on the bus 10 home...
>:x: person you were thinking of = er... nvm.

>DO...
>:x: you have a crush on someone = yes... :S... like doesnt everyone have one?
>:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = vitznau with all my frens. :D
>:x: you think about suicide = last time. i'm not so stupid now.
>:x: you believe in online dating = no... it's not true love.
>:x: others find you attractive = dunno... dont ask me... ask them...
>:x: you want more piercings = no. i hate piercings.
>:x: you like cleaning = classroom. myself. my stuff. i like stuff clean and neat.
>:x: you like roller coasters = er. took the first and last time.
>:x: you write in cursive or print = print for formal, cursive for sCRAPbook.

>FOR OR AGAINST...
>:x: long distance relationships = if it works out
>:x: using someone = no. im a nice person. :D
>:x: suicide = neutral. it's your choice.
>:x: killing people = against duh. nice stuff are better. death's not one of them.
>:x: teenage smoking = against. smoking literally stinks.
>:x: driving drunk = against... kills you
>:x: gay/lesbian relationships = it's your problem lor... no one can stop you.
>:x: soap operas = against. they're just routine and about dramatic families.

>HAVE YOU...
>:x: ever cried over a girl = yes.
>:x: ever cried over a boy = no. not recently.
>:x: ever lied to someone = yes. quite oftenly.
>:x: ever been in a fist fight = yes. with chin on tuesday because he wanted me to buy him a drink so badly. haha. not real one lah. the last serious one was with js in p4.
>:x: ever been arrested = no... do i look THAT bad??

>WHAT...
>:x: shampoo do you use = selsun. :S im gonna use herbal essence after this.
>:x: shoes do you wear = usually bata. :S reebok if i care to.
>:x: are you scared of = everything i dont find normal and nice.

>NUMBER...
>:x: of times I have been in love? = a few
>:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = a few
>:x: of girls I have kissed? = a few
>:x: of boys I have kissed? = a few
>:x: of girls I've slept (in a bed) with? = about 6-8 on chalet bed. polar bear!!!
>:x: of boys I've slept (in a bed) with? = 2-3 on the same chalet bed.
>:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends = 1-2
>:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = in the orbituaries when my granny died, and maybe about proj imagine or some weird large proj i took part in.
>:x: of scars on my body? = now is like 2 or 3.
>:x: of things in my past that I regret? = a lot. serious.

>DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
>:x: pretty = aw... im SO pretty...
>:x: funny = maybe sometimes... :S dunno lah.
>:x: hot = got sunburnt today...
>:x: friendly = sometimes... if im in a good mood.
>:x: amusing = amusing as in lame.
>:x: ugly = dunno. most ppl say so.
>:x: loveable = :S ask other ppl.
>:x: caring = think so... i like to make the world happy.
>:x: sweet = :S got popcorn all over my hands jus now...
>:x: dorky = maybe...

>FAVORITE:
>:x: 5 letter word: honey, money, bunny!, teddy!
>:x: actor/actress: orlando bloom? dunno. maybe eds peeps.
>:x: Candy: milky bar or some french choco i bought in french. the kind with swirls of white in brown and mint inside...
>:x: Cartoon: those that actually have meaning.
>:x: Cereal: koko krunch!!!
>:x: Chewing gum: *hates chewing gum*
>:x: Color(s): white, silver.
>:x: Color nail polish: :S no.
>:x: Day of week: holiday (yay!)
>:x: Least fave day: i like all the days...
>:x: Flower: sunflower! or roses! i wuvre flowas!!!
>:x: Jello flavor: grape.
>:x: Jewelry: pearl necklaces (like the one i wore earlier today) or GENUINE (unlike eugene's) shark's tooth choker. or the gold necklace with cross my mum bought for me.
>:x: Special skills/talents: foresight. it's useful for me.
>:x: Summer/Winter: winter! snow!
>:x: Trampolines or swimming pools: swimming pool! *likes swimming with frens*

>|| PERSON WHO LAST.. ||
>:x: Slept in your bed: me. :S
>:x: Saw you cry: shi bao? or sam? dunno...
>:x: Made you cry: bah. not saying. it's in my last quiz..
>:x: Went to the movies with: i just realised i havent gone to the movies in a long while. most prob rotk last year with the amanda, zhi wen, darren, js, derrick etc etc.
>:x: Yelled at you: my mum. asking me how to use the new handphone. :S
>:x: Sent you an email: amanda. i think.

>|| Have you ever.. ||
>:x: Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
>:x: Gone out in public in your pajamas: dunno leh. maybe in hotels etc.
>:x: Kept a secret from everyone: yes
>:x: Cried during a movie: toy story. i thot my toys would come alive. and lion king. i thot my dad would die that night... sad me.
>:x: Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff: like... wtf?
>:x: Planned your week based on the TV Guide: doesnt use tv guide.
>:x: Been on stage: yay! yeah...
>:x: Been to New York: no.
>:x: Been to California: yes. san francisco and los angeles. disneyland!
>:x: Hawaii: yes!!! so pwetty! fwowas!!! and pearl harbor.
>:x: China: no.
>:x: Canada: no.
>:x: Asia: it's like... i live here?
>:x: Wished you were the opposite sex: no. :S maybe when i was young and my mum dressed me as a girl.

>:x: What time is it now? 8:24
>:x: Apples or bananas?: apples!
>:x: Blue or red?: blue
>:x: Walmart or target?: walmart. more familiar.
>:x: Spring or Fall?: Spring! flowers! and lakes.
>:x: What are you gonna do after you finish this?: blog and do research on the port of singapore.
>:x: What was the last meal you ate?: 2nd dinner. subway!
>:x: High school or college?: high school... dunman high...
>:x: Are you bored?: yes
>:x: Last noise you heard?: blue singing "u make me wanna"
>:x: Last smell you sniffed?: subway.
>:x: Last time you went out of state/province?: last june... too busy for trips nowadays. or to pulau semakau. 4 weeks ago. but i guess that doesnt count.

>|| FRIENDSHIP/LOVE ||
>:x: Do you believe in love at first sight?: no
>:x: Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: 2, a boy and girl.
>:x: Most important thing to you in a friendship is: loyalty. and trust.

>|| Other Info ||
>:x: Criminal record?: huh? no.
>:x: Do you speak any other languages?: chinese and it's dialects, a bit of malay, minor european languages (like french and italian)
>:x: Last book you read: man in the high castle! it so rocks!
>:x: Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my bed and teddy bear. and clock and giodarno shirts.
>:x: Thing you dislike about yourself the most: my lameness.
>:x: Worst feeling in the world: emotional and physical pain?
>:x: Who you love: everybody...
>:x: Who you miss: shps people.

>|| You ||
>:x: Nickname(s): markypoo! and marketh the brave. and markhsx
>:x: Initials: H?X
>:x: How old do you look?: 14 :S maybe younger. tristan's fren thot i was his junior. :S
>:x: How old do you act?: 8-10.
>:x: Glasses/Contacts: glasses, but not often.
>:x: Braces?: no...
>:x: Do you have any pets?: gave terrapin which i called terry away.
>:x: You get embarrassed: many times.
>:x: What makes you happy?: love and bliss and frens.
>:x: What upsets you?: many stuff. like grades and opposite of frenship.

>|| Finish the sentence: |
>:x: I Love to... love!
>:x: I Miss... the holidays..
>:x: I Wish... for happiness
>:x: I Hope... for happiness
>:x: I'm Annoyed by... gitasses
>:x: I Am... Mark?
>:x: I Want to Be... a nice guy
>:x: I Would Never... eat my own shit.
>:x: I'd Rather... do 10 easy questions than 1 hard question
>:x: I Am Tired of... tiredness. and slacking.
>:x: I Will Always be... Mark?

>|| Have you ever.. ||
>:x: Thought you were going to die: yes.
>:x: Wanted to Run away: when i got 30% for chinese test in primary school.
>:x: Flunked a grade: no. maybe just passed chinese.
>:x: Skipped a grade: no.




yay done. now can go play solitaire and do homework. argh. i need to play some proper games. ill continue star wars missions.


a moment in time.
20:33



"you're one in a million, once in a lifetime" - one in a million, bosson

i have decided to visit the new frontiers of the music industry instead of just staying with good old westlife. i'm gonna buy cds by these 3 singers: maroon 5, bosson and five. in particular for these songs: "harder to breathe" and "this love" by maroon 5, "one in a million" by bosson and "closer to me" by five. here's one in a million lyrics. we plan to use a duet version by me and rui jie in our upcoming haw par villa ad.

"One In A Million"

You're one in a million
Oh
Now
You're one in a million
Oh

Sometimes love can hit you every day
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see
But only one can really make me stay
A sign from the sky
Said to me

[Chorus]
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us

I've been looking for that special one
And I've been searching for someone to give my love
And when I thought that all the hope was gone
A smile, there you were and I was gone

I always will remember how I felt that day
A feeling indescribable to me
Yeah
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer
And you, you're the one for me

[Chorus x 2]

In the beginning I was cool and everything was possible
They tried to catch me but it was impossible
No one could hurt me it was my game
Until I met you baby and you were the same
And when you didn't want me I wanted you because
The funny thing about it is I liked the show
I like it when its difficult
I like it when its hard
Then you know its worth it
That you found your heart

[Chorus x 2]

You're one in a million
Oh
You're one in a million



yay. today was very "light", or in my contemplation, no hard thinking involved. instead of lessons, we had a combined sports meet with temasek secondary, ngee ann secondary and chung cheng high main. my first impression was the crowd. i knew it would not be easy to move around with that many people going through only 2 entrances.

i arrived with rui jie, ying xian, samuel low, jun kiak, yue zhi, vina, nicole and a few others. before the sports meet started, me, rui jie, samlow and jun kiak played boggle. haha. my first game lor. and i suck at it. (solitaire score = 680) oh well.

so the stuff started, and the sun was hot. we won the first few races. then the sprinting was not too good. but we still won a LOT of field stuff. a break was given. (i just realised tiny mouths and eyes give an impression of innocence. like mun yi and amanda's tiny emoticon at the end of her nick. ok. maybe not mun yi.)

i gave them my ezlink card, and swam into a horrifying mass of "stinky sweaty bodies" - (the cat's engineer) - i actually managed to buy some popcorn and green tea before being suffocated... :S yay then me , sam and jun kiak went up teh the top of the stadium, and enjoyed the nice "scenery" (the view of the park near the city is astounding, like something out of switzerland, but it's only a small patch) and breeze. compared the masses below, the wide open breezy spaces was like air con. :D

then came the relays and more field stuff. at the end was the cheering competition. i wasn't as enthu as i would be during the eds camp, but at least i cheered. but not as loudly. i liked the kallang waves. the prize giving was bloody cool. we got top for all the field events mentioned in the final prize giving ceremony. and got second for most of the track events in the same ceremony. so cool right??? go dunman high!!!

we were finally let off after a final cheer. phew. the air was fresh, the sun was bright, and my arms and legs were considered the reddest in my class. maybe i'm not used to sunburns. im back to being a tomato then. sad me. and it hurt. quite a lot. well... we (me and sandra's grp) went off to haw par villa on a fine bus 10. we stopped at harbourfront for lunch.

i shared a hawaiian pizza with eugene. he eats like a barbarian. and after eating he sure looks like one. it cost me 5 bucks. but nice tho. then we went to haw par villa to film our ads.

i was literally made to change into a female. with the use of accessories like pearl and bead necklaces, clip-on and bulky ear rings, a strange hat to hide my short hair, and fake boobs to follow in the footsteps of aaron low. damn. there were like actually visitors there. argh. and they stared at me like some kind of freak. ok mayeb i am but what the heck. i acted as fast as i could and stretch my fave shirt (giordano white shirt) in the process. argh. i'll go buy 3 new ones. all for a low price of 20 bucks. well, at least we got it filmed. i hope. was the tape inside? oh no...

i took 10 back home. bought subway melt and cookies and walked home. finished reading man in the high castle. it's damn brilliant. might be one of my fave books now. they talk about singapore! and i do love alternate histories. my fave kind of stories are about alternate histories... like the last and first of men which i plan to borrow from the library... oh well.. time to attempt chinese compre.


a moment in time.
19:37

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

"solitary dude"

i just restored the electricity to my house. with eugene's dad's help and no experience before. my maid dropped the iron and then short circuited the house. i got my parents all the way back from bukit timah, and they hadnt even eaten their dinner.

then when they had reached tampines, i found out that the test switch was the main switch. and switched it on. then the elec was restored. sad me. i pity my parents. and they also have to buy a new iron. and new iron and handphone in a day. i'm worried about our financial status...

i was playing solitaire. in order, 625, 645, 665, 675, 695,700. now my whole fking blog entry is gone and i have to retype. bleh. stupid git. and i was being daoed. hmmph.

anyway. today. literature was the stupid debate over the justice of the trial. in which i was the only one supporting the proposition. at least we didnt debate today. phew. i would totally have died with rest of the class against me. actually i suport opposition, but i wanted to give proposition some support. stupid me. :S we talked about justice and mercy in current affairs etc.

we copied notes on genes and dnas etc during science. it was rather boring, but i found genetic engineering and cloning interesting. it's amazing how we can inter-develop ourselves and cross between plants and animals. wow.

we ran during pe. argh, 4 rounds. i actually got 3rd. and finished in 5:30. yay! but of course, js sprained his ankle and nick was instructed to stay with mr siva at teh back of the girls. so i would have been 5th. and i guess that's quite good. yay! but we didnt stretch today lor. i guess everyone would have ran faster if we had stretched. after running we did situps. i did 32. thats too lousy. i aim for 40. i guess it's because i keep slamming into teh ground on my right shoulder. no wonder the upper right side of my body is a bit numb and painful now....

ting xie during chinese. i should have gotten full marks. but no.... even after i got full marks during yesterday's prac i forgot one word. and damn it. i wrote 3/4 of it correctly. ARGH. just the top. just the top. damn. damn damn.

maths was bleh. as usual. we just did the same stuff we did yesterday. but still better than algebra. bizlab during irs. we actually managed to get 1.4 of our business plan draft done liao. in 2 days. go us!!!

went to lan party after school. yay! i can now scope and shoot without being shot first. not THAT much. and i can win at footman frenzy. it was like 3v3v1. i was the one. and i heled off minor skimishes. they gave me a chance of course. i have learnt the ways of the footman frenzy. i guess im improving. lan is a good thing. it teaches you skills and improves your alertness and stability. but not sanity.

ate subway cookies on the way home. yummy!!! i WURVE cookies!!! especially if they have cookies and cream ice cream on them. MMMMMM!!!!

well. thats it. since i took 30 mins to figure out that the test switch was the main switch, i dont have time to research history. that can come tmr. and the chinese compre too....


a moment in time.
22:37

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

"sad rants"

here's what i would say to someone right now. i might use it as part of some weird essay. :S

"then it is true", he said in a sad monotone, "it is as i feared."

anyway. w00t!!! reuby has competition for shauna!!! some mervyn guy on shauna's blog. go reuben!!! you go gal!!!

ok. so i'm pondering if i'll ever hear nicole say "eugene is t3h hotz0rs and i want to sex0rs him up his <3/mouth watever." hahaha. i have two duels on monday. one with nicole, one with aaron. i must not be pwned.

as for my current addiction to the wrost game in the world, solitaire, i just got my 3 highest scores in a row, 630, 650, 730. yay!!! 730!!!


a moment in time.
21:52



ok... so i might be taking longer to decide... anyway, today's entry...

"swimfan"

ph34r this. this is what ziluo just said to me:

"-[EcO]-[zkazragore] silent but deadly. says:
I love CAI CIANG SHE IS T3H HOTZ0RS"

cai (CIA)ng sounds familiar eh??? anyway, we thought mdm john didnt come today, but she appeared 10 minutes before her lesson ended. yay. we just discussed haw par villa and the bell rang.

chinese was slacking as usual. haha. chinese rocks. i wonder why we dont fail chinese even though we slack. we watched the HIGHER chinese people performs their newsreading skits. it was like damn funny. bing huan da sha. bwahaha. i always thought that bing huan looked like nicholas cage or something.

and aaron. damn it. you should have seen his low-quality low-cost boob implants. haha. so cool. they looked really low, except for position. both too high and out of alignment. you should tape your boobs next time aaron...

history was gay. we sat down, watched a video about the port of singapore, and recorded the timeline. so lame. but i guess it gives us an idea of our future. and i dont think it'll be good...

maths was fun. we did pyramids. the volume and area. finally got some hands-on. we had to make our own pyramids. and the concpets were interesting. yay!!! so much better than full algebra. science was ok. then it was ae.

ae was completing the port of singapore worksheet and checking of portfolios. bleh.

then i went to aaron's house to swim. he lives at avila, where im supposed to live too, but my parents cancelled their purchase in the end. as they wanted shps. so lame... aiyah. avila is like so nice. the fountain and waterfall is really peaceful. but the swimming pool was being cleaned. so we went to estella gardens to swim.

the place is better than avila. much more serene and scenic. we swam and swam. yay. it was fun! but i short circuited my handphone in the pool. sad me. and now my parents are gonna get me a new one. yay! and i found my samsung phone. my mum's real pissed because the samsung phone distorts all the nokia pictures. sadness... aiyah. at least i hope they'll buy a new handphone from the handphone shop they're at now...

that reminds me. my dad hasnt gotten money in 1 year. and we're still surviving. is that some kind of milestone??? :S i do hope God provides as he promises...


a moment in time.
21:45

Monday, April 12, 2004

these are the entries from blissen so far. i'll decide which blog to use tmr.

"Hacked" - 11 Apr 2004

ok. so my blog @ blogger got hacked. finally they managed to hack it. so here's my new blog. and my new email's markhengsx@hotmail.com . i wanted blissen@hotmail.com but some gitass already took it, so i have a longer email now. sorry guys. i found the loophole in the hacker's plans and didnt close it after i had recovered my account. well... i'll blog about today after dinner...

"starborn" - 11 Apr 2004

damn. there's so much homework. ok. no homework. but too many projects. argh. i hate projects. there're so many... i didn't even have time to play today. had to do history drama project at amanda's house right after church.

so we managed to finish the plot. and i played return of the king on abel's compy. yay. it's a nice game. and i'm quite good at it. maybe i'll buy it. but i still want return of the king vcd and rise of nations. boohoo.

so anyway, i just did the home economics workplan. argh. hates potatoes. they take so long to boil. but at least the other stuff take very fast. besides frying. yay. go us.

i hope everything really goes well. wish everything would go back to the way it used to be.

"i pwnz0rs j00" - 12 Apr 2004

(pardon the occasional use of 1337speak in this entry. although i doubt i can use it.)

today was so 1337. they were talking about my hacked accounts in the morning. especially my blog. ok. it's funny. with manties, horny pics, buttsecks and all that. haha. hao jun's compy drawing skilz are pwn man.

anyway, schoo, started. mdm john wasn't here, most prob away on some pregnancy thingy. can't wait to see cute baby... awww...

chinese was 1337. i got free periods because i already done 7 newspaper cuttings/reports. yay. pity the others. sam has done 3 or 4. a selective few havent even done one. sadness. well. i guess i finally have a rest from newspapers. yay.

assembly was bleh. the talks and stuff were monotonous. but the concept beneficial. it shows we should and can easily adapt to other environments. humans were made for adaptation.

pccg (pastoral care career guidance, although we never do any of these during pccg) was bleh. i was late. hmmph. i ran. i did. but still late. damn. sad me.

well... acc was the same as the chinese period. yay. we didnt have pratical (cooking) for home econs. it was so boring lor. i just skipped around and stuff. yay.

i took 196 with terence and a few others to the parkway-roxy busstop. ok. at first i wanted yoshinoya, but in the end i decided to go to lan party. it was so 1337.

of course, we played cs at the start. so fun lor. bam wham bam. as usual i got pwned but not as much as usual. am i improving??? ok. i can now use the sniper rilfles, and can actually frag. w00t. but i have no idea why they always aim at me. maybe it's because i always charge at the enemy mindlessly at the start. w00t. this usually works with a para.

anyway, shi bao, nicole and sam chye came. i dueled as promised during recess. frozen throne: booty bay one on one. bwahaha. nicole underestimates me. i totally pwned her. hahahahahaha. like i already had 3 heros and i had killed all her units. i gave her 3 chances to rebuild and stuff. i had three armies and 5 sieges in the end. bwahaha. i rock -eg0- ok. fine. maybe not THAT much.

anyway, i went to the library with shi bao. (and i still pwn you sb) met yixiu and ryan there. *wonders what they were doing together* i borrowed 4 philip k dick books. i just finished the cosmic puppets and its quite a good story. better than ender's game. yay. so nice!

so i took 31 home, as usual. subway!!! w00t!!! it's like subway melt, the best ever sandwich, costs only $2.80!!! so pwn lor. yay. i have found a weakness for subway cookies (and sandwiches, but not that much)

well. time to finish off portfolio. better start now. ive been addicted to solitaire lately. i wonder why it's so appealing to me...



so... i got my old accounts back from gary and i don't know what to do.


a moment in time.
22:15



"back at one"-bryan

omg. got markhsx for blog and hotmail back. should i use markhsx or markhengsx and blissen??? so lost. what shld i do now...


a moment in time.
22:02

Saturday, April 10, 2004

"1337er than j00"

ok. so someone hacked my hotmail account. but he (i'm assuming its nicholas again or some other gay lan guy) sucked so much i didn't even have to think to find a loophole. haha. i'm too good. never try to hack me. this is like the 3rd time, and i've easily managed to get back. bwahaha. you guys suck. will you give me back my account if i pay you 10 bucks?


a moment in time.
22:39



yay. another poem done in the last 3 minutes.

A GAME TO PLAY

love was once just a game
always had someone to blame
this changed one day
i wasn't going to get my way

now love was like never before
now love was no more a lore
the emotions came raging in
a game no one could win

everyone i knew had grown
became like i had never known
i wished i never knew love
something we could dream of

but it would never change back
stayed and made your heart crack
this heartache would never go
no more like i would know


a moment in time.
22:15



yay. new poem. rushed in the 7 period free time.

FAILISATION

there once was a reason for living
i could always continue dreaming
of success and reward and salvation
but all this ended in sweet damnation

felt the emotions of failure
when everything goes down the sewer
there could be nothing to bring back
me walking with nothing on my back

what i called friends turned on me
my grades flopped to less than three
i faced bankruptcy in it's face
slowed my thoughts to a snail's pace

what did i do that was wrong
that made me feel so forlorn
did i sin against the holy one
that made everything i once had gone

i know now i'm a piece of crap
treated like some dirty chap
i wish all this would change
things would stop being so strange


a moment in time.
22:10



"love used to be just a game. now you can't play it anymore."

coffee inn.
raisin bun.
half-boiled egg.
kaya.
butter.
horlicks.
yay.

eds.
the cat's engineer.
mini-scripts.
dance.
bball.
vball.
yay.

library.
sam low.
starbucks.
caramel frappucino.
yay.

haircut.
yay.

happy day.
yay.


a moment in time.
21:54

Friday, April 09, 2004

"why do you dao me so..."

depressing. argh. haw par villa sucks. there's so much weird stuff. and rather boring, just staring at statues and hearing the tiger car roar. i went around taking photos myself while the others just sat around, drank water and talked.

there was this part when i came to teh guan yin ma thing with all the masks around her. it was like bloody eerie as suddenly everyone had disappeared from there and i was all alone and like all the masks seemed to be staring at me, and the godess dude was towering above me like a night rider. argh. scary. i took 3 photos and ran away. *coward*

so in the end, i took about a 100 photos, then went to zion for some rest after that weird encounter. played one on one with sb and also with ziluo and justin. my sniping still sucks but now i can untycoly headshot with handguns, and other guns, in the pool day map thing. the white strip is always head level, so it's much easier to headshot. haha. beat sb flat. now he'll stop boasting that he's better than me. and i headshot him 20 times at least. bwahaha.

we went to mph for a while. saw some books and cds. i want band of brothers. it costs 50 bucks. argh. i'll just buy rotk anyway...

i dont't feel too good anyway. some bad stuff just happened. and now i'm confused and hurt etc.


a moment in time.
22:09

Thursday, April 08, 2004

"dark sun rising"

today cheered me up a bit. we did all sort of fun stuff.

so today we got news that mdm john was pregnant. so we were like...finally... she was talking about taking care of the baby and leaving us to screw up the final exams etc. you know. that kind of stuff. it's liek 3 tchrs are pregnant. like mrs lim and mdm nora. is there some kind of baby boom syndrome thing? many people are speculating that mrs lee will get pregnant soon too...

chinese was bleh. we talked about china states and this guy who always faced east for the love of his country. WEIRD. :S nice guy anyway. geog was copying stuff again. we got back our science test. as i had expected, i didn't get full marks. and i did very badly. like 15.5/20. ARGH. thats only 77.5 or something percent. :( i was hoping for at least 17... maths was funner than i thought. i still have no need to use cosine and sine. but i guess i better learn it soon, if not im dead.

so anyway, i didnt have mso today!! some people thought we really went to zion, but of course, because of the play we were gonna watch later, we just played bball. yay! so anyway, at the canteen. while i was getting a drink, hui yi come over and asked me for my palm. if not she'd hate me. what harm anyway? so she wrote stuff on it while i was talking to nicholas. this was what it said "i \^^/ ghey cows" damn. oh well.

we took a bus to the new arts centre thing near city hall called "the arts house". and watched this play/drama/act called the things we do for love by the bell shakespeare company it was brilliant. it's a wonder how they managed to fusionise shakespeare with comedy and love into such a nice piece of work. i agree with this review from the ars house site: "fresh, spontaneous and interactive" wow. it was bloody funny. especially the thoughts of the characters from the tempest part. hilarious. "testorone rising", "must think unsexy thoughts" HAHA. damn good. and was the last part sick or what??? :S

we had tea at the stage cafe. yay! we got complimentary drinks. i was thinking about trying the cream of mushroom with rosemary. it's my fave soup. and it was not too expensive ($4.50 for a nice bowl of nice soup) but NOOOOO my parents wanted to pick me up to go to eat western food. gitass. heck lah. at least dinner was nice. roast chicken and ham. and i also got soup. yay!!! well... today was refreshing. yup. guess i better start on portfolio stuff....


a moment in time.
21:38


face to face

Mark Heng // markhsx
26.05.90 // Gemini
Christian // Church of Singapore
Singapore // Tampines
QPS // 1-2, 2-1, 3-1
SHPS // 4-11, 5-11, 6-12
DHS // 1K, 2K ; EDS
Victoria IP // 05V13 ; V.Actors ; Subjectif
Victoria JC // 07S41 ; V.Actors ; Subjectif



walking away.

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